Getting to know you...

Tell me about yourself? It's a question we're asked often: website bios, job interviews, new friends. It's also a question I have a really hard time answering. I know the basics - I'm married, 32 years old, a manager for a non-profit organization, but that doesn't really describe who I am. So, I thought I'd take some time (because I'm bored and don't want to work today) to dig deep. As my mother used to say, I'm going to search within myself... Here goes - the good, bad and ugly!!!
I am a smart ass (BIG TIME) - especially with my husband. This works for us, because he's a smart ass too. The bad thing is, I have to watch myself in mixed company because I'm constantly wanting to smart off. Not good when at work!!! And some folks don't appreciate a good back-handed comment so you have to know when to strike.
I'm a cold bitch. I don't get sick often and when I do, I push through it. So, it's hard for me to deal with whiners. I'm told I will develop more sympathy when I have a kid, but we'll see. My mother raised me that way too so maybe my kids are doomed!
I'm pretty damned funny. I don't let it out much because I'm reserved - even with good friends, but if you are lucky enough to be around when I let loose, beware!
I have a potty mouth! I blame my father for that one. I swear like a sailor! I can't control it, it just comes out!
I'm painfully shy. I have a hard time being myself in front of anyone. I'm always afraid I will hurt someone's feelings or say something stupid so I clam up, which makes most people think I'm a bitch - which I tend to be as well. In the immortal words of Delores Claiborne (by way of Kathy Bates) "Sometimes, being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to." Enough said...
I'm very passionate about politics. I got this from my dad too. I am very conservative. Of course, I can't discuss politics with my friends because strangely, most of them are opposite from me politically.
I could not live without music - not for one day! The best part of my day is when I get in my car and I can turn on my iPod and sing at the top of my lungs. I'm also a music snob. I like what I like and everything else is crap. My poor husband never gets to listen to his hair band nonsense because I control the music! (another bad quality I got from my dad)
Which leads me to another doozy... I'm an anal-retentive, control freak!!! This is probably the most annoying part of my bio. I can't stand the unknown and I HATE not being in control. Luckily, I married a man who lets me have the reigns because otherwise, I don't think we'd make it.
I do have a few good qualities: I'm a good listener. I give good advice. I'm very smart. I know a lot about a lot of things and love to keep learning. I have good instincts. I'm a good singer and dancer. I love my mom more than anything in the world.
So there you have it, the painful truth... If you're still reading this you're probably wondering why anyone would want to be around me. :-)

So I've Been Thinking...

So I've been thinking alot lately about regrets... I seem to have more than my share of them. It's not exactly a bad thing, wondering what might have been different, better. I know everyone has something they regret, it's pretty normal. My biggest regret is music. To be completely honest, I am not a self-confident person, those who know me probably have that one figured out. But I do know one thing: I can sing really well! I've always been able to and that is the one thing I've always loved doing. Growing up, I never thought about anything else as a career - I was going to sing. Problem is, I'm terribly shy, which does not exactly lend itself to a career in the spotlight. Singing in public isn't really the problem - talking to strangers is. I guess I listened too well when my mom told me not to talk to strangers...So anyway, I've been thinking about this stuff a lot (you know getting old makes you start thinking more - CRAP). I've decided it's not too late yet. I'm going to take up guitar and piano - AGAIN - and start writing songs. Not that I want to be a superstar. I just want to do it for myself and maybe share it with family and friends. I have a wonderful background in piano - thanks Mom, and I'm sorry I was such a brat all those years you tried to teach me. I have my dad's old guitar and his words in my head. My dad rocked the guitar until his hands wouldn't let him play anymore. He taught himself and I'm hoping I have his gift (at least a bit of it). One thing I learned this week in my quest for self-satisfaction... The guitar is a Bit@? OUCH - SERIOUSLY!!! My fingers hurt like a mother!!! I also don't think I've got many of my dad's guitar genes (or maybe it's the patience I lack). It seems that a G chord is the best I can do at this point. Hey, maybe I can write a song with only a G chord??? :-) But I will persevere. I am determined and stubborn to a fault (just ask anyone in my family and my patiently understanding husband - God love them for dealing with me all these years). I'll learn that stinkin' guitar if it kills me! Maybe one day you'll hear me on MySpace! :-)